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I grew up in Colorado at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, then lived in Denmark and traveled throughout Europe before coming back to Colorado. I have two adult sons, whom I cherish. I started my writing career as a columnist and investigative reporter and eventually became the first woman editor of two different papers. Along the way, my team and I won numerous state and several national awards, including the National Journalism Award for Public Service. In 2011, I was awarded the Keeper of the Flame Lifetime Achievement Award for Journalism. Now I write historical romance and contemporary romantic suspense.

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Seductive Musings

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Love sucks!!!



I didn't mean to fall off the face of the earth, but while I was busy planning my next blog and working on my next book, life happened.

On Friday, my son got a phone call from his girlfriend (see beautiful, romantic photo below), who, after being away at college for three weeks — three short weeks!!! — broke up with him. OUCH!

Ben was and still is absolutely crushed. I've spent pretty much every waking moment since then either working or helping him. I've baked and cooked, as if home-cooked meals and cookies can actually help him. I've listened to him pour out his agony and tried to offer advice sparingly. But there's no way around the fact that I can't really do anything for him.

To complicate matters, I adore the girl in question myself. She was like a daughter to me. I loved spending time with her and seeing the two of them together. She interned at the paper with me. I have cried my eyes out, too, both for Benjy's loss, and for mine. I don't dislike her. I'm not angry with her. I just regret the horrid grief my poor kid is enduring. (He's 17, almost 18.)

So now I turn to you, my friends, and ask you to share what worked for you the last time you were drop-kicked to the curb. How did you cope? Did you do anything you regretted? How long did it take you to get over him/her? Have you found true love again? What did you learn? Why do we risk having our heart broken again by loving again?

I will share your bon mots, your wisdom, the fruit of your suffering, with my beloved son.

9 comments:

Debbie H said...

Poor Benjy, poor Pamela. Wish I could give you both great big hugs. I am so sorry this happened. Remember we talked about the possibility. I can't give any other widsom than to be there for him with quiet hugs, listen and doing extra for him while grieves.
Hopefully his buddies will be there for him, too. That will help knowing his male friends will hold him up until he can function again.

Mollie said...

Time. It just takes time. A LONG time. But one day you wake up and realize GOD! I haven't even THOUGHT about them...I'm sorry for his and your loss! There's not really much to do, just....wait it out.

Cheryle said...

Oh Pamela I hate to sound like that old hat but the only thing I know is "time heals all wounds." Eventually this will turn out okay for him. She is feeling her oats as a freshman so to speak and under alot of peer pressure to fit in.

I know it sucks but he will have sweet memories of his first love but this will make him stronger for when the real most true love comes and he falls head over heals again.

Until then just be the wonderful mother that you are. You are doing a great job. It is up to him to determine his mourning period for love lost. Hopefully with your help and the help of his friends he will get out there again.

Christi said...

PAMELA & BENJY - College does that to couples...trust me. I went to college in the same town I grew up in and when my HS boyfriend went there a year before me (I was a jr to his sr), he dumped me after saying all summer how college would not change a thing in our relationship and how fun college parties were... well, it was too tempting and in less time that it took to get himself situated in the dorm I got the "dear jane" phone call. I was devistated. I still had to see him around town also (luckily not every day) and it was still hard. True, I cried A LOT! Relied heavily on my few close friends who were supportive if not over-protective. Probably wore my parents out with woe but bless my mother, she had all the right words and wisdom (even though I did not want to hear it at the time). I emersed myself in my Sr. year of HS and sorta dated a few other guys but when I started college (the same one the very next year) I met my now husband and haven't looked back. I also then understood how tempting and wild college was once I got there. Anyone who tries to make an even strong relationship survive the trials of temptations of university (big or small) life would need all the luck in the world. It did not work for me. My advise is just be as caring and supportive as motherly-possible, redirect his intrests now that school has started and don't feed him cheezy cliches about lost love because one day this will have been an important life lesson in his own right and will shape his future actions to hopefully better himself and become a much stronger individual for it. With all my love - christi

Casee said...

That is so sad, Pamela. Poor Ben.

When this happened to me, everyone told me that it takes time. Time, time, time. Seriously, I really got sick of hearing that. Now I know that it's true. The best advice I ever got was from my aunt. She told me to take it one day at a time. If that didn't work, take it one hour at a time or one minute at a time.

It doesn't sound like such great advice when you're on the receiving end of it. What upset me is that everyone told me that I was so young, I didn't even know what love was. Now, 10 years later, I think that's a load of crap. I believe that young love is more intense b/c we have no emotional defense. At that age, you love with your entire heart and hold nothing back. That makes a break-up even harder.

Now I've been married for almost 8 years. Looking back, what happened w/ my ex made me a stronger person. It got me ready for my husband. Now it's easy to see that everything happens for a reason. Back then it wasn't so easy.

Ben, each day that passes will be a little easier than the one before. You may think you'll never get over this, but you will. I know that doesn't help much now, but hold onto that thought when it seems like it's never going to get better.

Aimee said...

I think I said this already, but time is going to do all the work for you both. The last time I got my heart broken all I did was mope for the first little while, and then I stayed so busy I didn't have time to think about things.
Remind him that everything in life happens for a reason, and while it may sound hollow now, this is just a preparation for something better.

Huge hugs for you both!

Sue Z said...

OK, PC, I was in my early 20's when I was crushed beyond all belief. I rember barely being able to get up from my bed, skipping my classes and barely able to eat. I put a lot of feelings down on paper im my journal. I was hurting so bad, but then I decided to write him a letter.

In the letter I told him how shocked I was and that I never saw it coming. I told him how much I was hurting but I also said that I think that you are a wonderful person and that I can't even bring you down to make myself feel better.

My closing line..."All in all, I will be alright. I always am. But YOU missed out on a wonderful thing; but now you will never know."

After my master piece of a letter went in the mail, I began to heal. Then one day, I said "No more tears will be wasted on this man"! Just as I thought that (in my car) a song came on the radio. It was "Wasted Time" by the Eagles. (find that song and listen to it!!)

I had a very rough time for a few years with letting anyone get too close to me. But I did heal and even had a few more heartbreaks along the way; some even caused by me.

Young love is so powerful but it also hurts like a bitch!!

Ronlyn said...

It's so hard. I don't know that I have anything new to add that hasn't already been said. I asked my DH what he would do and he said if (and when) his son has a broken heart he's going to take him to a strip club. *rolling my eyes* Not that that will make anything better, but it must be a guy thing.

When my heart was broken the first (and worst) time I spent a lot of time hiking, camping and reflecting on me, not on the relationship, but on where I was at that moment and where I wanted to go, how I wanted to be. I tried hard not to think about the whys or the what ifs. In my mind, I was the only one I could count on so I needed to be happy with me. Everything else would come or it wouldn't, but as long as I knew myself I'd be fine. It sounds rather harsh writing it out like that, and to be honest I always have been hardest on myself so it probably was harsh. It worked for me though (along with the passage of time.)
Big hugs to both of you!

Welcome, Mollie, Christi and Casee! So good to see you here.

And (((THANKS))) to all of you for your wise and compassionate words. I'll be reading them to my son tonight in between bouts of college application essays.

Time heals all wounds, as they say. Or is it "Time wounds all heels"? Hard to remember. ;-)

Thanks again!

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