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I grew up in Colorado at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, then lived in Denmark and traveled throughout Europe before coming back to Colorado. I have two adult sons, whom I cherish. I started my writing career as a columnist and investigative reporter and eventually became the first woman editor of two different papers. Along the way, my team and I won numerous state and several national awards, including the National Journalism Award for Public Service. In 2011, I was awarded the Keeper of the Flame Lifetime Achievement Award for Journalism. Now I write historical romance and contemporary romantic suspense.

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Seductive Musings

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Lipstick hostage crisis escalates

(Boulder, Colo.)—A hostage crisis involving two innocent tubes of libstick entered its second day with the lipstick's captor making additional demands. According to police, shady underworld blog figure Evil Libby contacted the lipstick's distraught owner, smut author Pamela Clare, to set conditions for a trade-off. In an e-mail that contained blatant threats against the lipstick's safety and survival, Evil Libby indicated her willingness to take extreme action, police reports say.

"I see I need to work on my hostage negotiation skills, so to show you I'm serious about the lipstick (it is getting warmer outside after all, and I might 'accidentally' leave it in the car), here's a picture to show you just how serious the situation is," the email stated. "I hope you make the right choice. Jabba's kind of pervy when it comes to womanly things if you know what I mean. And I think you do. BWA AH AH AH AHHHH!"

The email was accompanied by a graphic picture of the two young lipsticks chained and under the control of Storm Troopers answering to Tattooine's organized crime figure, Jabba the Hutt. Police were unwilling to comment on what Evil Libby's connections to Hutt and crime on Tattooine might be.

"Anything would be speculation at this point, so we're unwilling to comment," said a police spokesman.

However, inside sources indicate that Evil Libby could be the secret head of Hutt's organization. The same inside source was able to provide this blog with the photograph in question (warning: may be too graphic for some viewers).


Two tubes of libstick were taken captive last week by Evil Libby. They are shown here, alive but under the control of Storm Troopers and Jabba T. Hutt.

Whether the image was intended to provoke Clare into rash action or as a proof of life is uncertain at this point.

Phone calls to Clare went unanswered. The reclusive and eccentric author is said to be in great distress about her lipstick and willing to do almost anything to get it back. Clare is also grappling with a novel deadline at this time, and tabloids have been speculating as to whether she can hold out under the strain.

Though police refused to confirm the date of any arranged drop-off, a source close to the investigation claims the event could take place as soon as tomorrow evening.

The lipstick was reported missing over the weekend after Clare, known for her willingness to take extreme risks while researching her novels, attended a meeting with Evil Libby and her consort, an enigmatic figure known as D.H. Man-Toy. How the lipstick came in to Evil Libby's possession is uncertain, but one source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Clare had been drinking and that this led to the tragedy.

16 comments:

Tammy said...

LMAO

P.C., I would take any threat from Evil Libby very seriously. I happen to know she is a notorious pirate captain/warrior princess/smutt queen. And any attempt at a raid on her compound would be dangerous. She has a SWAT trained body guard, two ankle biter side kicks, a giant watchdog and kevlar under things!
I say give her what she wants quickly and don't let anyone try to be a hero.

Aimee said...

OMFG!!!!!!!!

wOOt!!!!! LMFAO!

That is absolutely the funniest thing I have ever read! And you know how my week is going, so THANK YOU for the belly laugh! You gals are a riot!

Love youuuuuu! MWAH!

Tammy, I'd forgotten about the giant watchdog. That should have been in the article, too. LOL! Yeah, I'm going to have to buckle on this one. What Evil Libby wants, Evil Libby gets, or my poor lipstick will bite it! *sniff*

Aimee, I wish your week were going better, but I'm glad this made you laugh. I almost died laughing when the email arrived and I saw that photo. Love you, too! XOXOXOXO.

Kristi said...

OMFG ROTFLMFAO!!!! Now, we get to see the true reporter skills up close and personal -- and what skillz they are! Lord knows we should never try to pit 2 creative minds against each other (Evil Libmeister VS enigmatic P.C. (maybe that is not such a good word for a reporter -- do they strive to be "enigmatic"?, I think not.)) xoxoxo, K

LOL, Kristi. :-)

Most reporters are pretty linear people. I've got the fiction brain, too, so I'm a bit weird for a reporter. My kids use the more polite word — "eccentric." Aren't they sweet?

karmull said...

LMFAO! Too freakin' funny.

Ronlyn said...

LMAO!!!

I hope said lipsticks are returned and able to recover from this traumatic event. Your article didn't mention addition ransom demands..... :)

Bo said...

*snort* Too funny,P.C.!!!

I love the Star Wars tie-in.
Libby sounds like a riot,you two are lucky to live so close!

I hope you get your lipsticks back soon,LOL.

Sorry I've been AWOL from your blog,I think I must've started my Zombie-thon training early.*G*

Debbie H said...

That is hiliarious!! LMAO! I hope the poor little lipsticks make it home in one piece each, tube covers attached. Keep a close eye out for Jabba and any of his consorts, you just never know.

I'm glad to see you are letting a little laughter into your stressed life.

Rosie said...

Pamela, that is way to flippin' funny! She definitely is "Evil Libby" holding your lipstick hostage like that! You need to get yourself over there and save them before they go to the Dark Side.

Hugs sweetie!

Libby Loo said...

What's wrong with the Dark Side? We have cookies, for crying out loud! And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee served by half-naked male baristas I stole from Chippendales. Come on, you KNOW you want to join! BWA AH AH AH AHHHHHH!

Nes said...

Listen my young padawans, if you don't stop this, I'm going to be peeing in my pants for laughing so much!

Between the two of you, I feel like the force is taking over me and have the need to watch Star Wars. ALL of them!

LMFAO! You gals are a riot!

Tammy said...

Oh Evil Libby, you had me at cookies!!!!

Ronlyn, you're right! The reporter failed to list the additional demands. Probably because there weren't any. The story's lead is misleading. UH-OH! Time for a correction! Someone get the editor in here. ;-)

Karen, nice to see you!

((((BO))))! Pregnancy can be tough, sweetie. I'm thinking of you. I hope you're feeling better. Morning sickness is the worst. Glad we could make you laugh.

Thanks, Debbie. I hope they make it safely too! And I hope I don't have to put them into therapy for post-traumatic stress disorder or something.

Or maybe they'll join the Sith, as Rosie fears.
Hugs, Rosie! Glad to bring you a smile. :-)

Nes, don't pee your pants!!! It's a drag to clean up. Wish you were here to join in the antics. I hope tennis season is starting well and that you're getting all the time on the courts you want. I like the first three (original three) Star Wars flicks, but none of the new stuff. I suck, I know.

Tammy, I'm with you. If the Dark Side has cookies and coffee, Ima have to join up!

Evil Libby, I'll see YOU tonight, GF. ;-)

Why can't everyone move to Colorado? It's a cool and very weird state. Especially with Evil Libby living here.

OMG! That's freaking hilarious! I needed that! I'm home with strep throat and feeling like crap. I'm also stoned from all the meds the doctor gave me.

kat said...

You said: "I've got the fiction brain, too, so I'm a bit weird for a reporter."

Ummm, I beleive you forgot the COMEDIAN part of your eccentric, lovely, fictional, weird reporter Self.

;o)

This one had me in tears. LOL!!!

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