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Tempting Fate (Colorado High Country #4) —
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I grew up in Colorado at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, then lived in Denmark and traveled throughout Europe before coming back to Colorado. I have two adult sons, whom I cherish. I started my writing career as a columnist and investigative reporter and eventually became the first woman editor of two different papers. Along the way, my team and I won numerous state and several national awards, including the National Journalism Award for Public Service. In 2011, I was awarded the Keeper of the Flame Lifetime Achievement Award for Journalism. Now I write historical romance and contemporary romantic suspense.

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Seductive Musings

Friday, November 19, 2010

True Love

Alec Matthew, 12 hours old, Oct. 1, 1986


As a romance novelist, I write stories about men and women who meet, overcome obstacles together and fall in love. But the greatest love I have known is the love I feel as a mother. It dwarfs any romantic love. There’s not a man on the planet who captures my heart the way my two sons do. No other relationship has brought me such joy.

Alec, my first born, turned 24 on Oct. 1. The day he was born I was blown away by how much I loved him. He was tiny — only 6 pounds, 10 ounces — but I remember thinking as I held him that my happiness from that moment on would depend on his well-being.

Both of my births were attended by midwives — I don't like being told what to do and doctors have nasty tendency to dominate women during labor and birth, when we should be the ones in charge — and Alec’s birth was 100 percent natural. No IV. No drugs. No one shouting, "Push! Push!" or counting to 10. I caught him myself and drew him onto my chest so fast that no one could see whether he was a boy or a girl.

But that was the most pain-filled day of my life, and I decided that I would either never have another child, or I would have an epidural from the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Well, I ended up having an epidural, but not until I was dilated 4 cm with Benjamin. I knew he was a boy from ultrasound images. I wasn’t terribly interested in having the experience of birth — no more than anyone is excited to go through, say, a root canal — but I did want my baby. I found a great midwife who agreed to an epidural.

Benjamin Alexander — just hours old — November 20, 1989


I was only in active labor for two hours with Benjamin. He had a 15-inch head, however, so that was painful, especially because the epidural wore off just as I hit the pushing stage. I screamed him out — poor kid!

Now, he and his brother are all grown up. I miss them both so much. Alec lives about 45 minutes from here, so I’ve been very lucky to be able to spend a bit more time with him, especially lately. He’s been coming over for dinner every other week, and I’ve really cherished that time.

Brothers being goofy on Christmas morning



Benjamin would be arriving home in Denver right now for Thanksgiving Break, but his girlfriend, Lucy, is away on a semester-abroad program, studying theater in London. The selfless part of me thought it would be a beautiful birthday gift if I sent him to be with her for that week. Not only would they get to see each other, but he would get to see London accompanied by someone who’s been there for a few months and knows her way around.

The selfish part of me is sad that he won’t be here. By the time he gets home on Dec. 19, I will have gone just over four months without seeing him — a world record. I miss him so very much. I hope he has a safe and wonderful time in London with Lucy.

Benjamin and Lucy


I should say that Benjamin, perhaps more than any single person, has been there for me as a writer. I cannot tell you how many weekends he cleaned the house so that I wouldn’t have to. How many teenage boys — age 14-18 — do that sort of thing of their own volition? Plus, he lets me bounce ideas off him, as well.

Perhaps because he wants to be a filmmaker and has long had an interest in creative endeavors, he seems to understand how much it means to me to try to make it as an author. He has seen me at my best and at my very worst when I was at the end of my rope, ready to scream and rip my own hair out.


Happy Birthday, Benjamin, from the mother who loves you enough to send you to England when she instead wanted to bring you home. Enjoy London. And please be safe!

Benjamin Alexander, shooting Apples, Ithaca College, Fall 2010

8 comments:

Carolyn said...

Aw. That's so sweet! Both your boys are very handsome men.

Lucy said...

Thank you for letting him come!!! :) We love you!

Ronlyn said...

Happy Birthday Ben! from your birthday buddy Sammy H.

Pamela, you are so very, very lucky to have your boys, and they are just as lucky to have you. And I agree with Carolyn -they are both very handsome young men!

Lori said...

What a wonderful present! You have been blessed with such wonderful boys. And they've been nlessed with a great mom.

JennJ said...

Awwwwww what a wonderful post! A very Happy Birthday to Benjamin! I hope he has a great and safe trip to London!

I know exactly what you mean Pamela until you have a child of your own you can't know the love that you feel for them. It is all encompassing and they get to be the center of your world. Your children truly make life worth living don't they. I'm so glad you have your two great boys! And I'm thankful to have my wonderful son as well. :)

BIG HUGS and I hope you have a great week my dear!

Debbie H said...

Happy Belated Birthday, Benjy! Pamela I know how hard it was to let him go to London to be with Lucy, but you will be so entertained with his stories when he gets home in Dec.

Hugs!

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"I am an artist. I am here to live out loud."
—Emile Zola

"I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day."
—James Joyce

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery."
—Jane Austen

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—Robert Frost.

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—the character of Chaucer in
A Knight's Tale